It Happened!!!

It happened!

I finally got the call! I finally got my transplant!!!!!!!!

I was hanging on by a thread, no energy to live, little fight remaining. It was September and planning for Christmas 2018 seemed ridiculous as I didn't know if I would still be alive. Dreading another heart breaking, spirit crushing dummy call where we would all race to the hospital for a transplant, go through the process of working up to the operation, only to be told, that the kidney or the pancreas had perished or that the tissue wasn't viable for transplant and that my time wasn't now and that I should go home and continue to wait. This unfortunately happened a few too many times. I wasn't sure I could go through that again.

The night I got THE call, I knew that I would get it this time and that this wasn't another dummy run. I can't explain how I knew, but I felt it. I was ready.

At 1am my phone rang and everything changed. The difference was that we had done this run many times and we were well versed with the procedure. Calmly, I told my parents that I had a donor, we all went into our heads and quietly dressed, packed up the car, and drove safely to Addenbrookes Hospital. The hospital is roughly about an hours drive from our home. on the journey that took under an hour, we got every green light and drove without seeing another car on the road.

With my parents, my siblings, their partners and my niece and nephew all by my side. I felt so much love that nothing could touch me. I had absolutely no fear. I felt like a child at Christmas. I felt guilty that I was so happy and excitable when my family were just feeling fear and dread. I can remember laying on the bed and being wheeled out of the room towards the operating theatres and feeling as though I was going to Disneyland! I can't explain it. My poor family, they were so brave and hid their pain from me and allowed me to experience all the positivity that was rushing through my heart.

I had my kidney and pancreas transplant at 12pm on 30th Sept 2018

The surgery took 12 hours.

I woke up 2 hours after midnight on 1st Oct 2018

I was standing and walking a few steps 12 hours after surgery.

Day 7 I was walking and completing my physio.

2 weeks I was allowed to go home with full kidney function and no sign of diabetes.

1 month later I was attending clinic and walking without aid.

9 months after my surgery I am living my best life!

Its difficult to sum up such a huge transformational moment in my life. My overwhelming feelings are that of gratitude and thanks. Thanks to my hero, my donor, who's gift to me can never be valued or measured. My donor and my donor family will forever be in my thoughts and I promise that I will take good care of myself and honour that gift of life they have given me. I will honour my hero for the rest of my life.

I am forever in awe of the surgeons at Addenbrookes for the way the do their work with passion, commitment, dedication and humility. They don't just operate on you and leave, they become part of your life, the days and weeks after your surgery they visit you, they advise you, they reassure, they chat to you like friends, they understand the complexities of transplant and all the emotions that come with having another's organs gifted to you. Sometimes they just come and have a cup of tea with you. Thank you.

A million Thanks to my family and closest friends, my champion transplant team, who only ever gave me positive vibes and hopeful reminders that I would get better, even though I know all they really felt was dread, pain, fair and horror at the prospect of what was to come. or what could go wrong, they only ever focused on the best outcome and encouraged me and when I needed them to be strong and selfless that is exactly what they were.

My recovery was by no means easy. I have had many days when I felt as though I would never get better, I've had days where I thought that stories I had read were just lies and fantasy. Those stories where I had seen similar donor recipients saying how the feel like a new person and they are running around with tons of energy. I did not feel like that. I felt tired, I felt mentally exhausted, I felt indescribable pain and the aching throughout my whole body was overwhelming and sometimes totally consuming. I had been warned by my surgeon that I might experience feelings of regret that I had the transplant at all. I never felt that way, I just kept reminding myself something that a plaque on the wall in Addenbrookes Hospital "whatever it is, it shall pass" Its a strange thing to say but pain is temporary. You feel it and then you don't. It will pass. I kept saying that to myself. over and over. In the tears and pain. I kept saying "It will pass" and it really has, its all real, it existed but it has passed.

I am stronger physically than I have been I a long time. My new organs are settled and functioning exceptionally well. My transplant doctors monitor my organs closely and feel confident that I have a great outlook long term in regards to the life of the organs if I continue to closely follow the anti-rejection regime. I have been so incredibly lucky with my recovery.

As the years anniversary comes closer, I am hopeful for my future.

I hadn't felt real hope for a future for a long time. Before the transplant saved my life, I would always stop myself from dreaming about things that I have always wanted like getting married and having a family or travelling or even just small things like wanting to going to a festival. I would hear myself saying "I want to do that one day" or catch myself dreaming about walking The El Camino and I'd immediately barate myself and think "Stop being so stupid, that's never going to happen, you are going to die, so stop wishing for things that wont happen" I had even stopped myself from writing dates down in my calendar and writing this blog just seemed pointless.

So my amazing transplant healed me physically, it cured me of Kidney Disease and Diabetes. I no longer need to dialysis or insulin therapy in order in to live. It didn't just save my life, it changed my life, living without the chains of diabetes has been monumental in my day to day life. Being cured of kidney disease has stopped the ticking time bomb on my life and freed me from the pain and poison of kidney failure. My Transplant has given me something that I never expected and the thing that is most important to being Tracy, it gave back hope. It has given me back my future and the freedom to dream and the possibility of making my life the best I can. Hope is something that I lost for a while, but its back and stronger than ever.

Below is my loving family in the hospital room with me as I am about to be taken in to theatre for the transplant, Keep a look out for more pictures of my journey. I promise no scary surgery pictures.